i'm sad

suddenly, i feel that i dun love my bf anymore.
its more of a habit and used to having him around.
maybe i only treat him as someone who love me and spend time with me.
but i am not willing to sacrifice and love him back the same as i did b4.

but after we talked on the phone just now, i felt sad all of a sudden.
maybe because i know that i dun wanna be with him for some reasons,
but also can't bear to give up as we had many happy moments and memories.
my tears just gush out of my eyes and i couldn't control myself.

he said; maybe our time is almost up and our fate is near.
maybe my love for him has died, or it's still living in the past.
but i also feel that i care too much abt his flaws, his look etc..

once again, i feel the same way, the same situation i have faced past previous r/ships.
i hate this!

maybe i should not have any r/ship at all.
maybe its because i dun wanna commit.
maybe the problem is me!
just me....

new yr 2010!

hi all.. happy new yr...

i'm still doing my attachment at parkroyal hotel.. another 3 mths to go til 19th march..
yeah!! finishing soon..

hope everything will be better for me n my family this yr!!

cheers everyone!:)

new life.. new bf..

now having my internship with parkroyal hotel..
got over my past.. got new bf..
very dote me.. learnt alot with him..
thou sometimes quarrel over small things n get really fed up..
we also got over it.. brought us closer.. now i think he should understand me more.. i also explained that we should not be too controlled over each other..
hmm.. anyway.. every couple got their own things to quarrel??
so if can get over, it'll be gd..
anyway i love him alot now tt's all it matters!!=)

still thinking of him..

lately.. kept thinking bout him.. esp when i listen to my songs..
i wonder how he is living now.. if its been a better one or worse.
hope its for e better bah..

just now after work came back so tired wanted to slp but once i hear e songs.. i think of him again n picture us as the songs played with e lyrics running thru my head.

well.. sudd had a rush of missing him so much that i cried uncontrollably. i dunno how long i'm going to be like this.. i miss him..

i miss those times we were happy playing n teasing each other n the times when i'm angry n he would just keep quiet n say sorry n still be with me by my side.

he was a gd companion n playmate besides his other weak points.. :(

i cant continue anymore...

missing euu..

ended work today.. went to his house to get back some things..
while onboard e bus, passed by many places we used to go often..
memories came flooded back... keep playing n flashing thru my head.. cant seem to stop... sudd felt i wanted to cry.. but i controlled... n controlled.. at last.. tear rolled down my cheeks.

sudd all feelings came back.. wondering if it was e feeling of excitedness n eagerness to c u or cant give up yet n still love u some whr deep deep down in my heart..
...maybe both..

at last got down e bus.. thr u were...
1st thing was to c our baby xin xin...

when we walked down e slope, surroundings looks familiar but felt strange...
walked past e pool, recalled back when we used to swim in thr... playing n having fun...
nv expected for u to send me off.. but u did..
maybe tt's u.. one thing which remains e same..

n after tt noticed u lost weight.. wanted to hug u but had a feeling of smth refraining me from doing so.. maybe i felt guilty for putting u thru all these torture... i know u wanted to be with me but u just didnt/ cant bring urself to make me stay or hug me. me too, was longing for a hug...
miss ur smell.. ur hug... those happy times..

bus came, u said bye n went off hurriedly...
after boarding e bus, looked thru e window.. saw ur back... missed it.. hoping u would turn n c ur face again... but nv...

thts ran wild in my head n everything started playing back again...
2nd time, tears rolled down again..
*pain in me*

til now.... .... ....

its over...

our love ended on 29th sept 2009.

its been 1 yr 1 mth for us since 29th aug 2008.

sorry i cant tk it much longer n have to end it...

hope u'll go on with ur life in a better way w/out me by ur side. dun wish to c u throw urself to despair.. dun drown urself with alcohol n cigarretes.. stay healthy tk care of ur health..

sorry to hurt u once again n thanks for everything throughout this 1 yr 1 mth.

i miss u....

finally back blogging.....

alright... hv been sooooo busy with work last 2 wks...
wanna chiong til my attachment, earn as much as i can..
if not attachment only$500 per mth.. somemore full time de..

cut my hair look so ugly.. regret cutting... miss my hair when just rebond. couldnt slp for e 1st night keep thinking of my hair.. next day ask dad help me trim abit of my fringe cos e person cut unbalance..
oh no..... my lovely hair now gone.... sadx........
now only wait for it grow long wont cut liao..

here e pics for my mlys trip last mth!!

.
bak gut teh after some rest at e hotel..
(durian time...)

went to an italian restaurant for dinner.. best dining experience so far!

chop chop e piglet..

break e plate for gd luck!! (wish for love or wealth)

both of us made e same choice- LOVE!

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(last day of photo- taking)

at sky bar in our hotel..

last moment in our room.. (tis pic dun look like us at all!!)

(waiting to check out)

(going back lo..)